My first Mother's Day was the first day that I really thought about being a mother. That day was September 12, 1999, the day that I stood frozen in my dorm bathroom, holding a tear-stained, positive pregnancy test with shaking hands.
Actually, it was several days later...the day that I decided that I would not abort the baby growing inside me. It has been almost 12 years since then. My God ordained those circumstances for good purpose. Although I don't know the entirety of that purpose, I do know one - the salvation of my soul. I wish I could talk to that scared 18-year-old girl and tell her what I know now of the good things that God had in store for her...that the gospel was not meant for the strong, but the weak...and that it is more beautiful than she could ever imagine.
If I am to believe what the Bible says about children, then I know that I am the last person who should be the recipient of such blessing. I know that I am the worst of sinners. In this past year that I have listened to my son's disgusted and judgmental reaction to this thing women do called "abortion" and talk to him, with tears in my eyes. No. It is not what you think it is. I know because I have been there. I was there not because I didn't care about you -- but because I knew I wasn't enough, and I was so, so scared. It is by God's grace that you are here.
Samuel means "God heard." God did hear my heart's cries. He answered them with redemption and approval and righteousness and LIFE. He gave me this thing called motherhood that is constantly urging me to take my eyes off myself and my circumstances and put them on Him. Because honestly, sometimes (or oftentimes) that's hard for a self-centered person like me. HE MUST be my lifeblood.
This weekend is Samuel's 11th birthday. And Mother's Day. God sovereignly wrapped those two events together each year, perhaps so that I would always remember His goodness to me.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in Christ with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places.
Ephesians 1:3
Ephesians 1:3
5 comments:
I am thankful for you and the encouragement I get from you as a mom. Just keep being a mom to your kids! I am so thankful for you and for God's intervention and provision in your lives. You are wonderful.
Beautiful post! Happy Mother's Day!
This post made me cry! You are such an amazing mom Amber-Rose and I've been so blessed by your mothering example and the faithfulness to God you have shown me. I love you!
Great stuff, Mrs. Zimel! Thanks for sharing!
tears. one of the best posts I've ever read. I heart your heart.
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